WHY WOMEN SUCCUMB (Read & Download Article)

Posted by on January 4th, 2019

WHY WOMEN SUCCUMB (Read & Download Article)

WHY WOMEN SUCCUMB (Read & Download Article)

It is the last month of the year a season of love, sharing and forgiveness. On a Thursday afternoon I was at work I was bored nothing to do so I picked up my mobile phone, and I logged in my social media to know what’s trending and was not. I jumped into this interesting post by a friend a very lovely girl. The post said and I quote,’’ F-E-A-R has two meanings: FORGET EVERYTHING AND RUN or FACE EVERYTHING AND RISE. THE CHOICE IS YOURS.’’

It caught my attention and I quickly slide into her profile with a direct message and asked, ‘’ why is it that women hardly stand pressure and they succumb so easily? It means the inability to overcome pressure, temptations and other negative forces.
She replied almost immediately, ‘’it is our nature’’.
Then I said, “women will always make wrong choices”
When I thought I knew it all she made an epic reply that inspired this write up she said, “we are just fragile in nature but still have bond minds”.
That was the magic word “fragile’’ but ‘’ bond” in other words soft and strong in nature.
A woman is a butterfly.
She is dainty.
She is pretty.
She can be fun.
She is marvel to observe.
She flutters around the room in a carefree manner.
She loves warmth and safety.
She is easily frightened.
She is fragile and strong.


Have you seen a person without backbone? He is like a vegetable he cant move, he cant walk, he can do nothing he depends on others to do what he should be doing. Those are whom they tell them to go left they go, go right they go, stand still they stand. A lot of people are like it they have dreams, they know their calling and who and were destiny is leading them to but no courage to go for it.

They are on the left side of F.E.A.R fear of man, fear of what people will say, fear of failure so they forget everything (dreams, passion, love) and they run to their comfort zone. It is a large place it looks comfortable because almost everyone are there the sad ones, the lonely ones, the pity ones, the depressed ones, the I wish ones, the ones without backbone. They lack strength in character, willing to be used or taken for granted, no firm commitment to uphold’s ones decisions and feelings.

I grew up in the ghetto part of Lagos faced by the challenges of unstable electricity supply, no good schools, unhealthy environment, poor water supply and the list is endless. You hear So many people ask so many questions just like me, how did I end up here? This is not the life I wished for what happened to me? Every good child dreams of the good life, especially kids in the ghetto. As humans at every stage of our lives we are looking for something, one things that gives us fulfillment that us complete, that makes us happy they say happiness is free. I had a female friends who had dreams of been a graduate of political science, after graduation she’ll join the military, get married to her long term boyfriend have kids together and be happily ever after.

After few years, I came visiting and she wasn’t who I expected. I was glad to see her again but also curious to what might have happened. It seems like she knew what I was thinking she quickly said, ‘’chibuike, life is not fair. You don’t get everything you want’’. She narrated how her family made her to study another course rather than political science she wanted to study. She struggled to graduate that in her 300 level in the university she was convinced to get married against her wish she wasn’t ready yet. Her husband not her choice but her family’s choice who they thought was better out of their tribal sentiments. So I told her, it is not life that is not fair to you but you are not fair to yourself. She was surprised why on earth would I say something like that. I told her you forgot everything and run was the choice you took it wasn’t your parents or whoever you blame, it was you. Do you know you are powerful?


Do you know how powerful our choices are? Never give up until you’ve given out all your best. It’s better to fail trying, than wondering what could have happened if you tried.
We got dreams and we got the right to chase them. Follow your heart, and not always your head. Don’t be the one who always follow what she has been told she is supposed to do. I know you believe the saying ‘’women are weaker vessel’’ they don’t have a choice like the men to be in control of their lives, to be responsible for themselves. Her voice cannot be heard nor does her opinion count or respected.

Biblically, women were referred to as the “weaker vessel” it is a misconception to say it refers to intellectual or emotional weakness as been often argued. History tells us it was referring to a woman’s weakened position in first century Greco roman and Jewish culture.it is borne by the fact it originated from the word ‘’asthenei”, which means someone who is like a prisoner, whom society has deprived of freedom and opportunity. Another meaning of the word weaker by Thayer’s Greek lexicon means a person who is strong but has no occasion to prove his strength.

The family makes up the community. A woman was not only called by God to become a wife, or a mother, or a sister. She knows taking care of the kitchen and the bedroom for the man is part of her roles but not only that. She knows her family comes first she has to obey her parents but that is not all. She was also called to be a banker, a lawyer, an entrepreneur, a fashion designer and what have you not just in the kitchen alone and in the man other rooms. She was also called to make her choices in life, career, marriage, most importantly those choices that last for a lifetime…. THE CHOICE IS HERS.


There is a lot of family pressure on women also men by parents directing in the wrong direction. And this doesn’t apply just to teenagers, who are still kind of immature and financially dependent on their parents. Most mature, experienced and financially independent adults I know also get this kind of pressure from their families, and they often give in to it.

The reasons parents especially or the community try to influence your decisions are:
They try to keep you in the safe/comfort zone. They don’t want you to do anything risky or new (unconventional). They encourage you to choose a career believed to have fat salaries or more popular, ignoring what the child really want, can or like to do.
They spread out of date wisdom. Because our society has changed in the last decade, there is a probability older family members in their 50’s or 60’s have understanding of things that no longer applies.

You hear things like teachers are poor people, mechanical engineers ends up as roadside mechanics, you are a sinner if you stop attending our family church, marriages to that tribe don’t last and so on. Though is not that they hate you, no, but they don’t understand times have changed. We are in the 21st century so many things have become outdated in culture, technology, family life, economy and so on of which they are ignorant.

How can one cope with pressure from family and community?
Firstly, Be assertive. Express yourself clearly, in a direct way but still maintain a position of respect for others. This is your life not your parents life. And while they’re not to be completely ignored, it’s only natural to live the way you want.
Let’s face it you owe your family a lot but when it is sabotaging your dreams you should set firm boundaries with your family and live the way you want. Realize you don’t need to please everyone even your family. There is nothing wrong in upsetting dad once in a while or not living up to mom’s dreams.


Workhard! Get things done for yourself and stop depending on others for everything. Be independent. You cant do everything but do something. Most teenagers in Africa don’t have a skill or a part time job that could earn them money. Even in their late 20’s or early 30’s still living in house of their parents depending on them for everything. They provide you clothing, shelter, food, they recharge your mobile phone and also provide internet services for it, transport fare to see your friends, and so on. And there is nothing you are doing for yourself. How will they respect your choices because you have not proved you can make the right one, you are dependent even on little things. When you depend on them to do everything for you, your the problem.

Be responsible to yourself. I remember there was a time in the higher institution I struggled with finances. I could not pay my fees, I could barely feed, or afford basic necessities such as good clothes, transport fare to school, food, textbooks. I was hungry, worried, depressed, tired, sick. I tried few things to get money but was not earning much so I was waiting for school to vacate so I can travel back home. When I got home, before then mom business was not doing too well so she could not help me out while in school and I had other siblings too. I woke up one morning I thought, ‘’how do I pay my bills?’’ so I told my mom am going out to look for job. But, she refused she was on my neck she wanted me to stay at home and do nothing for reasons she said, ‘’many people will think she can’t take care of me that’s why am working’’. I insisted and I got a job as a cleaner in a company. During my stay in that place I was able to pay all my bills and less the stress for her. She was later happy and told me I made the right decision for not listening to her that it was F.E.A.R


Most parents do mean well, and if they eventually see you happy and living a good life, a lot of them do eventually start accepting the decisions you’ve made in life.
Family pressure can be powerful and a difficult factor to ignore for most people. The word “weaker vessel” in our present age is not just categorized to a particular sex. There are men too who you can put in that class too. They don’t shoulder their responsibilities as a father. They can’t control the family. They can’t fight for their dream career or maybe the woman of their dreams, the society refers to them as mummy’s boy. Some are just Lazy and doing nothing for themselves.

As a young male teenager, am not married but experience is the best teacher. Many people have lost their way. They once had dreams that never saw the light of the day. They put it on pressure, temptations or other negative influence and you hear words like ‘’it is not all my fault what do u have expected me to do?’’ but the truth is most of the things we fear never happens. ‘’Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited of what could go right. – Tony Robbins’’

Your excuse may be accepted by men but to God is it an excuse? Let the answers rest on your chest. God does not wink at excuses. He said ‘’ thou art inexcusable O’man ….. you are gods in this present world’’. He made you gods it means your destiny is in your hands’’.
Stop blaming people for whatever happens to you. Taking responsibility for it is the first healing process if you find yourself in this situation.

I want to see women and men with backbone though the pressure is there, temptations and distractions are there, and the negative forces are there but are focused for nothing can separate them from their dreams. That should be your confession, that nothing, am so persuade that nothing, absolutely nothing. I shall be among the ones who are On the other side of F.E.A.R (face everything and rise). Mr. facing everything and rise, or Mrs. Facing everything and rise.

That is the key, the choice is yours!
You can make it, you can be the miracle your family are praying for, the answers to their questions, you can be what you want to be, you can marry right and be happy, you can go further from were your parents or any in your community has ever reached.


You can be the greatest, you can be the best, you are not small or ordinary, you are peculiar you are different. But, you have to pay the price, to receive the prize.
I will become Nigeria’s future president, at a price.
I will bring home the grammy’s, at a price.
I want achievement, at a price.
I want to be fulfilled and happy, at a price.
Everything you need in this life is at a price. Are you ready to pay the price? Are you willing to face everything and Rise?
It has to cost you something. It may cost you your relationship with friends, or been the good boy or good girl of the family but when you live your dreams all these people will come running to you.

If successful man or woman is from your village or community you’ll be proud to say he is my brother or she is my sister even when they don’t know you. The truth is nobody wants to associate himself or herself with failure. Another word for failure zone is comfort zone. God is not in your comfort zone. Come out of your comfort zone and come in to the zone were things happen of champions. People who take bold step in life, who will not give up on their dreams for anybody. I want to encourage you to those who misunderstood you, criticized you, who are waiting for you to fail and cry to them, when you begin to live your dreams they are the ones who will blow your trumpet. Be yourself, be bold and be strong dont be tired or discouraged it is only another scene in the story, for no guts no glory.

I have read about women who took the world by storm but this more than just the famous women but celebrating your little wins as a woman or as man. But I know some young ladies in their little corner did things to challenge the common man on the street, I call them the ones with backbone and were able to do something brave for others to learn.

Brave woman like faith Jato…. A young girl who because of the challenges her family faced tried to save her family from the street life by working hard and also joined the Nigerian force to save lives.

Brave woman like stella Ikpe…. A young orphan girl who did all she could to care and educate her siblings after the demise of her parents.

Brave woman like Omolara Odeyemi …. She’s a singer, dancer, actor, hair stylist, bead maker, guitarist and a fashion designer. She contested and won The NELAS NORTH EAST AMBASSADOR (QUEEN OF NOLLYWOOD). She’s the CEO OF OMOLARA FASHION WORLD. Also, the co-founder of #clotheAchild

Brave woman like Yetunde ogunsanya…. She was born in a particular religion but later on she chose to worship God in the other religion. We all know how Africans put importance to family faith but for her to be bold enough she is an hero.

Brave woman like Amarachi Miriam Anyanwu….. a girl who became an entrepreneur at 20 in a time she was written off by many. She established a successful fashion brand ‘’ankara_glitz’’ known for Ankara wear.


As we come to the end of this publication I’ll be singing a song for you a song you probably haven’t heard in a while. A song by Mary j blige ‘each tear’ and it says:

‘’ In each tear
There’s a lesson
Makes you wiser than before
Makes you stronger than you know
In Each tear
Brings you closer to your dreams
No mistake, no heartbreak can take away what your meant to be.
She further said, you’re much more than the struggles that you go through
You’re not defined by your pain, just let it go
You’re not a victim, your more like a winner
And you’re not in defeat, you’re more like a queen’’.

No we cant be held out.
I cant be held out.
You cant be held out.
Do you have a dream? My advice is don’t FORGET EVERYTHING AND RUN no matter the pressure, the distractions, no matter what happens or what does not happen FACE EVERYTHING AND RISE. The choice is yours.

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